is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
