sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
We don't watch enough power rangers
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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