we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
