If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
