hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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