This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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