never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
