I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
she looked like the before picture.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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