Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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