if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
