Your tits are I can't wait for
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
