i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
