Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
