I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
