Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
