no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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