The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
