My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
