Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
