oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
