Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
