I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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