Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
A bitchslap is in order.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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