I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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