Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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