Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
