I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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