It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
