i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
