My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
