If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
