Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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