I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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