i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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