Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
