if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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