i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
