Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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