3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
