my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
