I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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