Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
