I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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