If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
