What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
