I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
