Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
