i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
