a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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