i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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