I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
