Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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