walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
