If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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