Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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