how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
