I hate all girls vehemently.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
