After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize