I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize