Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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