This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
