I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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