Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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